Lesson Learned
by Baileys
Summary: A fictional walk through of both Neal and Peter's thoughts and feelings during the episode Honour Among Thieves aka the one where Neal steals something under Peter's nose and feels completely wretched about it.
1. Neal

Neal's inner demon was working overtime today.

' _Tell Peter!'_ was playing on repeat inside his head, but alas Neal was once again not listening to his own common sense. Something he had learned to do long ago, when he was too young to stop it becoming a habit.

Ellen had told Mozzie there was always a little conman in him, but in truth it was Neal's outward confidence, which he used to hid his true feelings that everyone – even those closest to him now – saw as intentional deviousness.

Neal grew up a neglected child. Neal knows this, his mother knows this. Neither one of them can change it now. Ellen knew, and regrets she'd let her desire to keep her little family together get in the way of what truly mattered. She was young then, no kids of her own, barely a social life let alone a love interest to share her life with. She was married to her work and James Bennett was her partner. His broken trust broke her, even if she wasn't in WITSEC and being forced to deny her whole existence, she'd still have struggled to settle down and trust anyone. Children learn their traits from the adults around them. Ellen died wondering if Neal's inability to trust anyone was actually all her fault.

' _Tell Peter!'_

Neal swipes at his ear, as if swatting away a fly. The habit of ignoring what was in front of him still ingrained. Though he's got better with the trust issue. He trusts Peter. He really does. But he knows Peter doesn't always trust him, in which lies the problem.

Peter knew Abigail made him because Peter asked the question outright. _"Did she make you Neal?"_ He'd watched their conversation on the monitor. Neal had no problem telling Peter the truth then, after all, he trusted Peter and he never lied to him. He was getting better at the not deflecting thing too.

' _TELL PETER!'_

He tried. He really did. Sitting at the briefing room table, listening to Peter build their plan which was set to fail, the fear and frustration building up and up. But offering up the truth without direct prompt or questioning was a foreign concept. Like an adult who'd never learnt to use manners or dog that had never been house trained, he'd been guarding his secrets too long, trained to withhold and deceive his entire life... Neal really didn't know how to tell the truth when it wasn't being explicitly asked of him.

"I was just thinking of what to do with Abigale." He said after Peter had noticed his deep in thought face and asked what he was thinking.

Truth. He _was_ thinking of what to do with Abigale and he was prompting Peter to consider why she was moving so quickly. But Peter dismissed the idea, didn't follow up with the question Neal was hoping for… Neal feels his eyes fill and quickly looks away, disappointed and despaired, he chooses to distract himself with someone else's problems.

…

' _Tell Peter'_ The voice had taken on a bored tone.

Sick and tired of being ignored, of the complete utter disregard of all Peter has done for him. The voice was well aware that Peter has fought for him, defended him, travelled around the world to save him, so why the hell was Neal still not listening?

Mozzie.

Neal, as has already been established, lacks guidance. His aliases are suave and sophisticated and confident. Neal Caffrey -the real Neal Caffrey - is anxious, childish and often hides behind the characters he creates to avoid the reality that he doesn't know who he really is, doesn't know who he wants to be. Only thing he does know right now is he really doesn't want to upset Peter. But Mozzie isn't listening, like Peter, he isn't asking the right questions. Mozzie, who was reading Rousseau late at night and therefore high on his mission of the greater good, was insistent doing a small wrong was worth the right that would result. In Mozzie's world fair isn't a factor, and the scales of justice are always slightly unbalanced. Mozzie neglects the moral side of any dilemma. He sees in black and white. Catching a murderer is of greater importance than a piece of art. Neal agrees. But what Mozzie doesn't see is the impact is like a shock wave, to get the art he's lying to Peter, he's letting him down. Peter could lose his job because he trusts Neal and that is what Neal can't live with. Mozzie doesn't see how much someone like Peter means to him. Neal shied away from telling Mozzie the truth about his mother. He had no problem telling Peter.

So, when Abigale arrives at his place, Neal tells her no. He knows it's the right decision and has no problem with making it. But then Abigale throws a curveball and Neal's flashing back to when the warehouse exploded and Peter turned on him. That starts a domino effect of all the times Peter's chosen the other guys side over Neal's - Reece and the Jade elephant, Fowler and the pink diamond… The thoughts swirl and eventually settle on a damning conclusion - Peter was never going to believe him. He would send him back to jail and Neal would lose everything anyway.

' _TELL PETER!'_

Neal had an opportunity, after Diana's date. And the voice had to give Neal credit, he tried, he tired to do what it was screaming but, in the end, like always, he needed Peter to lead the way and Peter completely missed the mark.

"She could be waiting to see if there's a better way in" Neal offered up on a platter and practically begged Peter to ask _"What other way?"_

But Peter dismissed him with an airy "suppose", letting Neal know there and then he wasn't thinking too hard on it. He wasn't taking Neal's concerns seriously. And why should he? Neal didn't know anymore.

Blackmail set, Neal knows he can't risk losing Peter, or rather risk Peter losing all he has because of him and his focus is now on preventing that and that alone.

…

' _Tell Peter!'_

Finally, Neal hears the voice but it's too late.

"I wish I'd told Peter everything from the beginning." He says out loud, sigh as heavy and lonesome as ever.

Mozzie doesn't help, pushing him along in the wrong direction. Mozzie is always pushing him in the opposite direction to Peter. Neal knows he has to be strong, but he struggles. Mozzie pulls one way and Peter pulls him another. It's a constant battle being fought and sometimes Neal gets tired of it. He plans the heist, tells Peter as much truth as he feels he can at this juncture, but again it all relies on Peter asking him the right questions.

"I checked your anklet the other day"

' _Listen Peter'_ the voice had taken on a different mantra temporarily. Urging Peter to listen, to realise something else was going on and that Neal really needed him to hear it. The proud smile Peter gave him after Neal told the truth, that he really did think Peter's way was the best way… Neal is going to miss having that smile aimed his way. It's then he realises he could have gotten it all wrong… Peter might well have believed him this time, because things had changed… they'd changed. And Neal was about to blow everything.

"Get agents in that room right now."

Too late, it was on and Neal had to cowboy up.

Hiding behind the divide he still didn't have his head in the game, the usual rush at achieving the impossible, pride in his ability to outsmart everyone was missing. This was nothing like the Degas. Neal felt sick to his stomach and just wanted to get out of there.

…

" _Maybe we should take a break."_

Neal had been attempting to stall them, nothing more. Give himself time to hand over the Pascal and put the rest of his plan into motion. The part he hadn't told Mozzie about.

" _Never stop running."_

He said to Diana later that evening, after one too many wines. Thinking he might need to take his own advice after today.

"What if you want to stop running?"

Neal looks up. The words were what he needed to hear. Strange that Diana should be the person to ask him the right question in the end.


	2. Peter

' _Listen Peter'_

Peter's inner voice wasn't used to being ignored. Peter usually listened to his intuition, usually weighed up the evidence and made an informed decision. Usually. The times that didn't happen, the times he let his anger guide his actions always ended up with hurt on both sides.

"Agents went all sorts of different directions, and every agent shows up on the video except Neal."

' _Wait Peter, think.'_

But Peter was thinking, thinking of the most logical reason for Neal to double cross him.

"She couldn't get the Pascal because of us. He couldn't get the marshals' crime-scene report because of his anklet."

' _Peter, stop!'_

He hears the voice but bats the words of caution away. It's too late to stop, to return from that plane where only anger, disappointment and frustration existed.

"I'm tired of this. I've covered for him. I've fought for him. I almost lost my job because of him. If Neal did this, he's got to deliver the piece and when he does we'll be there."

…

It was restless night. The voice invading his every waking moment. Peter got no sleep, Elizabeth couldn't say anything to make it better. Neal had the uncanny ability to both anger and sadden Peter at the same time. That was a conflicting mix of emotions he wasn't accustomed to feeling himself, though he was aware of a time he caused it in someone else and the idea he might be experiencing exactly what his father went through isn't a thought he wants at four in the morning.

' _Have faith in him Peter'_

He wants to. He really does. But seeing him at the meet, Pascal in hand, there was no doubt now. Neal had not only broken his trust. Neal had broken his trust for the last time.

"You blackmailed me."

' _Listen Peter'_

The voice remains calm, and unlike with Neal, a little gets through in the nick of time. Peter takes a moment and thinks, he considers not only the obvious and the logical but the moral and emotional.

"I don't want it."

" _What?"_ Neal was doing something Neal had never done before and Jones is buzzing in his ear, he's finding it incredibly difficult to listen to himself and his inner voice at the same time.

"Let's see where this goes."

It goes. Abigale with the Pascal and the drive, Neal with nothing. Peter gives the order and his agents move in.

' _Listen to him Peter'._

So, Peter listens and re-plans his move. This time standing side by side with Neal he asks the right questions and listens to the answers, all the while fighting the urge to shake the shit out of him and scream at him for being a complete idiot. The pauses between his own responses were long and drawn, he needed to stay in control and think through what he'd missed. Why would Neal think he wouldn't believe him?

' _Think Peter.'_

It takes time, but eventually, sitting on his sofa reflecting on his day with Elizabeth, after going through the thoughts that Neal might have been coning him all along, he mentally reviews the case.

"What are you thinking of?"

"I was just thinking of what to do with Abigale." _Something's happened and I need your help._

"She has a buyer lined up. Why wait?"

"Explore everything option, see if a better one comes up." _She has a better plan and it's me. I'm in trouble Peter, I need your help._

"Maybe she's waiting for the heat to die down, or she could be waiting to see if there's a better way in?" _I know she has a better way, I'm scared to tell you. I don't know what you'll do._

"Did you notice I was outside the Marshall's New York Office? I didn't set foot inside that building." _I'm trapped and can't see a way out, I need you to know it's not what I wanted._

Peter wakes early, Neal's unspoken words still swirling around in his head.

' _Go to him Peter.'_

Peter once again listens to his inner voice and arrives at Neal's door, it's not yet 7am and Peter let's himself in. Neal's still asleep, curled up on his side. His snuffling breaths making his chest rise and fall. There no mistaking Neal slept in his clothes, there's tear tracks marking his cheeks too and Peter's surprised that he isn't surprised to see them.

Ellen called Neal "our boy" and Peter never doubted the truth of it. Neal had gone from felon to family in all of five minutes in that anklet. Why was he able to see that when Neal wasn't? Maybe because unlike Neal, Peter listens to his inner voice. Usually. The only other time he didn't, the one time he ignored it through to the end was when the warehouse exploded and that burnt parchment floated down at his feet. If he hadn't acted rashly and accused Neal outright, if he'd remembered that the confidence was all an act and Neal's default was to protect the truth until his final breath then maybe things would've been different. Peter nearly lost Neal that day because he didn't listen, didn't ask the right questions at the right times. Lesson learned, this time he'd do it right.


End file.
